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I come from a traumatized lineage. I was traumatized in childhood, never feeling fully safe in my home or my body. I spent the majority of my life stuck in flight, fight, freeze or fawn and I didn’t even know it until I was in my late 30’s.

Looking back, I realize the spaces I felt the safest was when I was in nature, with my cats and horse, and playing sports or music. After years of walking the path of and studying healing, embodiment and spiritual growth, I am so grateful that I was naturally able to find mama earth as my solace, sound as a way to regulate some of the dysregulation in my mind and body, movement as a way to release the tension stored in my fascia and muscles, and my relationship to my cats to help me learn to feel the co-regulation within my body with an other mammal.

Part of learning to be in our bodies and live our soulful essence in the world is learning to find ways to create safety for ourselves. When we start taking responsibility for creating or finding safer spaces, we may begin to realize we are able to start feeling, releasing, and down regulating our nervous system out of fight, flight, freeze, and fawn into more regulated states of rest, pleasure, and peace. If you have a history of trauma, this may need to be supported by a therapist or bodymindspirit practitioner for a season.

If you don’t know where you feel the safest, start noticing. Is it when you are curled up in bed? Spending time in nature? Moving your body in physical activity? In the office of your therapist or bodyworker? What are the elements that help you feel safe there?

Creating safe enough spaces doesn’t have to be elaborate or difficult. It’s mostly just starting with designating a space. Use it regularly to sit, breathe, be and slow down. Allow yourself to unwind without the distraction of tv, social media, or to do lists. If slowing down feels difficult, set a timer for 2 minutes and simply sit and watch your thoughts, your sensations, your emotions for 2 minutes while you breathe. Then get up and shake, dance, stretch, move for a minute or two. Over time, your body will learn that slowing down doesn’t mean something scary and movement always comes again. If you are stuck in freeze states, gentle movement practices can help you feel safe to start allowing Life to move you again. I suggest finding a trusted Qi Gong practitioner or trauma informed yoga practitioner or just put on a slow song and sway to the music.

I have created a safe, sacred space in my home with my favorite blue chair, my books, stones, and altar. I have a small home and there isn’t a lot of private space for me. But I have spent enough time in this blue chair when everyone is asleep or at school, that my body immediately knows that this is the place to rest, process, breathe, BE. I feel safe the minute I sit in this chair. I also feel so safe when I’m in nature. I try to get to my local park, the river 30 min away or to the beach 2 hours away as often as my busy schedule allows. These are not indulgences for me, they are priority and self care. My patterns of living in fight, flight, freeze and fawn are shifting but if life gets too busy, my old ways of processing the world takes over. I have to continue practicing slowing down, reminding my body and brain that I am actually safe in this moment and that it’s ok to rest.

Maybe you have a garden, a cozy corner in your bedroom, or an entire sanctuary that you can create safe space for yourself in. I’d love to hear how you are making safe enough space in your world for your self to practice slowing down, dropping in and learning to rest and feel held, loved, and resourced.

What are ways you recognize that you are safe enough in a space or a moment? What sensations happen for you? Deep breaths, shoulders dropping, relaxed belly, laughter or tears? Start noticing what happens inside your body and mind when you actually feel some safety. Noticing is the magic.

Happy Creating Safe Enough Space to you,

emie