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I have been connected to my orgasm since childhood. No one described masturbation to me. I did not know that my self pleasuring was “the sin” I was frequently warned to stay away from in church and youth group! I discovered this pleasure filled activity in my own exploration of my body at a very young age. These sensations were not attached to labels of bad, wrong, or dirty. I was fairly sheltered and didn’t have access to movies or tv that would feed my imagination around sensuality or sexuality. My exploration was not tied to the imaginations of sexual acts. My self discovery and self pleasure was simply part of learning how my body worked on my own. I innocently enjoyed this release as much as I enjoyed reading for a whole afternoon, exploring the woods, and riding my horse every Sunday.

At age 16, I was bored and grabbed a parenting book sitting on our dining room table. Flopping on our couch, I flipped through the book. “Masturbation” caught my attention. As I read the explanation of masturbation from this Christian man’s perspective, my throat clenched, my stomach flipped like I was on a carnival ride, and blood rushed to my cheeks. I read and reread the section. After years of self pleasuring, this was sincerely the first moment of conflict I ever had about my solo experiences.

Once the shock wore off, I wrestled with guilt a bit here and there. I don’t remember exactly, but I probably spent a good amount of time trying to abstain from the “sinful act.” Eventually I ignored any feelings of guilt and continued my nourishing self-pleasure practices with an occasional confession thrown into my prayers, just in case.

(My partnered sexual history is much more difficult and laden with heavy religious conditioning and an intense childhood sexual abuse story that I’ve worked to release, repattern, and integrate. In my experience and my teaching, I separate solo and partnered sexual experiences. The focus of this post is solo practices.)

We have a myriad of stories and experiences that subconsciously (and sometimes not so subconsciously) dictate our current experiences with our body, self pleasure and shared sexual experiences. These stories can be difficult to locate and reprogram without some help. If you know your outdated stories are holding you back from the pleasure you know you want to experience, I am here to let you know that it is possible to find more freedom and pleasure. But not without some work.

When I speak or teach about owning your orgasm, my primary focus is not on the orgasm itself, but on practicing slowing down and experiencing orgasmic energy that is pure creative energy. Start with your senses. Feel the fabric sliding on your skin. Swirl the sweet liquid around your mouth before swallowing. Deeply inhale the beautiful scent of your favorite oils or perfumes. Allow your gaze to linger on Beauty with deep appreciation. Focus on the sounds of music or birds or breath. Opening your awareness to experiencing Life with more of your senses online will not only expand you into your ability to engage with orgasmic energy, but will also allow you to feel more connected, alive, vibrant and flowing.

Orgasmic energy is easier to access when you slow down and engage your whole self. The simplest way to wake up to sensual/orgasmic energy is to slow e v e r y t h i n g down, bring awareness to your senses, breathe more deeply, play with the use of your voice/sounding, and experiment with bringing more fluidity to your movements. Have an attitude of playfulness, curiosity, and self-care.

Once you begin practicing slowing down and waking up your senses, you will begin to notice which senses or situations create discomfort, shame, embarrasment, or fear in your body or your mind. This is where your work begins. Are you safe enough to meet the block or fear or old story or religious conditioning to rewire your body and brain to accept a new experience of pleasure? If you need a coach to help navigate this treacherous territory, I am honored to hold space for and coach you, at the speed of safety, into your new freedom of expression and experience.

If you’re not ready to work with a coach, there are several ways to expand your exploration at home.

Here are a few books that may support you in this exploration:

1. Wild Feminine by Tami Lynn Kent
2. Women’s Anatomy of Arousal by Sheri Winston
3. The Good Vibrations Guide to Sex by Anne Semans and Cathy Winks
4. Feminine Genius by Liyana Silver
5. Wild Woman’s Way by Michaela Boehm
6. Tao Tantric Arts for Women by Minke De Vos
7. Pussy: A Reclamation by Regena Thomashauer

If you want to explore online free content, I recommend Layla Martin’s youtube channel or Yoni Pleasure Palace Blog and website. There are currently thousands of sex coaches and IG and Tik Tok influencers teaching the basics around expanding your relationship to your own sexuality. Trust your body and leading to teachers that feel grounded and safe enough for you to learn with. You want to be able to learn and expand at the speed of safety for your nervous system and body.

Here’s a simple home practice to do 3x a week for the next 3 weeks.

Breast Massage for pleasure:

1. Choose a time when you have some spaciousness in your schedule.
2. Choose the setting: In the shower. In your bedroom with candles and beauty. In front of the mirror. In the dark.
3. Choose a lovely body oil or soap (if in the shower). Coconut oil or almond oil works well if you don’t have a favorite.
4. Begin by holding your breasts in your hands and breathing deeply to notice your relationship to your breasts. Keep breathing deeply and allow yourself to notice sensations, emotions, thoughts that arise. Breathe through it all.
5. Begin to gently massage your breasts from the outside down and up the center. Vary your speed and notice what kind of pressure and speed feels best.
6. Reverse the direction and breathe unconditional Love into your heart center. Imagine your entire chest and breasts filling with radiant Love.
7. Move in a circular motion with the pads of your fingers over your nipples. Keep breathing deeply. Notice the sensations, emotions, stories that arise and do your best to stay with the present moment experience. Breathe through all that arises and sink into the moment of pleasure if it is available to you.
8. When you feel complete, again, cup your breasts in your hands and gently shake your breasts.
9. Finish and allow five to 15 minutes to integrate, rest, receive, observe how you feel after this nourishing experience.

Enjoy your sensual body for YOU. Explore at the speed of safety, with childlike curiosity. Get to know how your body works! She is miraculous, even if her abilities have been under covers your whole life. 😉

For Pleasure and Freedom,

emie kay