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Every moment I am breathing is the opportunity to receive or reject the gift of being alive. All the crazy events that had to happen for me to become me in this moment of time is miraculous. Whether I like my life or not has no bearing on whether or not my life is a gift.

I spent much of my life wishing I was someone else. I wanted different parents. I wanted different ancestors. I wanted to come from a different socioeconomic and educational background. I wanted to be living a thousand other lives than my own. Even when I would achieve or acquire something of what looked like what I thought I wanted from someone else’s life, I would still negate my own and reach for more of someone else’s.

I started working with Ernest Morrow and he cut straight to the core. “You refuse to receive the gift of YOUR life.”

hmmmmmm. yep. I don’t want my life. I don’t want my parents. I don’t want my grandparents. I don’t want my history. I don’t want my current situation. I refuse to receive this gift of MY life because I hate it.

“Great. It’s still your life. Now you can at least be honest about why you are suffering. You are not suffering because of the particularities of your specific life. You are suffering because you refuse to receive the gift of your life in this moment.”

Omg. Wow. Yuck. And Yes.

Learning to LIVE MY FULL HUMAN/DIVINE Self and see it ALL as a gift, instead of trying to escape it, make it prettier, be rescued from it, or succumb to the stories of everything is miserable, why am I still breathing, has been liberation.

I dove deep into what I call The Left Hand path teachings that can be found in the teachings of Jesus, The Tao, Inanna, The Goddess Isis, Tantric teachings, Buddhist thought and others.

The Right Hand Path teachings start with the foundational thought that there is a problem that needs to be fixed. I am a problem, life is a problem, the world is a problem that needs to be saved, fixed, changed. The Right Hand path is about getting better, doing better, having better. . . . improvement. I don’t like my life. Buy this, do this, work for this and you will be happier. All of us know, even if we don’t want to admit it, that this way of living will never end our seeking, suffering or striving.

The Left Hand Path that I am walking and teaching begins with the premise that I am whole. My present moment Life is a gift. Can I receive the gift of my life right now? Can I be with it, breathe with it, move with it, flow into the next experience with Life? There is no where to get to. No where better than right now. This moment, this breath, this sensation . . . this is my real life, like it or not. Can I receive the gift of my Life right now?

If I cannot, then at the very least, liberation can look like being honest with myself. I refuse to receive the gift of my Life right now. I would rather fight against it, try to change it, hate it. And believe me, there are plenty of times I simply move forward with my resistance, being honest with myself about the cause of my own suffering. I would rather hate this moment, this body, this sensation than breathe with it/through it, move with it/through it and Live the present moment.

Telling myself the truth often enough has given me more and more opportunities to receive the moments I’m living with more openheartedness and acceptance than when I couldn’t even see how much I was resisting the gift of My Life.

If you are curious about practicing this shift in consciousness, my 9 month Womb Wisdom and True Self Initiations teach this way of Being. You can also be in touch with my mentor, Ernest Morrow. Or pick up the books of Eckhart Tolle or Jeff Foster, and follow Cory Muscara on IG. Mary Oliver, Rumi, Rilke, Hafiz, and The Tao also speak of this path.

With or without a guide, you can begin asking yourself and noticing, “Can I receive the gift of My Life right now?”

Breathing in the Gift,

emie kay